The last time a wrote a blog was back in July. I spoke of a failed IUI and the heartbreak it caused. I write yet again about a second failed IUI in August.
This heartbreak is different. We talked about what we would do should it fail. Do we continue with treatments or do we stop? When we realized the second IUI failed we made the decision to stop with treatments. I have been on and off different types of hormones for 5 and 1/2 years and I know my body could not handle all the new meds I would have to take if we did IVF. I still get residual effects from clomid (hot flashes, visual disturbances, etc.) and I haven't taken it in months. It was not an easy decision, it was not as if we threw our hands in the air out of frustration and just walked about. We thought about it for a long time. We mourned the love we wanted most. It was as if we lost someone we cared so deeply for, we went through the stages of grief. I wanted to scream at the sky, why couldn't the thing that I had always dreamed of since before I could remember not be mine.
The thing is we aren't giving up, we are choosing a different road. We choose adoption. And I cannot tell you how freeing it felt to make that decision. It is an option we had been toying with for over a year. It is something I think we both knew was always meant to happen. We have told our families and most of our friends. You all have been so supportive and excited for us, it is truly a privilege to have you be a part of our lives. So now we start a new crazy journey and I couldn't be more excited.
