Well, on January 7th it will be a year since we packed our life up in a truck and drove out to California with the hopes of finding happiness and a better life. Since then we have successfully moved from La Habra to Long Beach. I have to say I was a bit skeptical about moving here. Now that we've settled in, it feels like home and by home I mean it reminds me of living in Roselle Park. I love it, we are really a walk from Downtown and it's really neat to watch Dexter and see the same buildings that are right out our front door.
One of the reasons I chose to the title "Back To The Beginning" is because at times I feel I have drifted from the main focus of this blog. This February it will be 4 years of trying. Even as I type those words, read those words I do feel a bit of shock and sadness. You would think by now that something has got to give. I think of all the options and it breaks my heart because at this moment there really are not any options we could never afford IVF, surrogacy or adoption. Even if we could there is the possibility that IVF or surrogacy won't work or the adoption could fall through and there are no second chances financially. To be honest I believe something in our lives is off and that is what is keeping us from this dream. Whether it be job wise or some bad juju that is being wished upon us we need to fix something in ourselves for any of it to work. I know that some might think that that is hokey or whatever but, it's my belief and I am entitled to it. And I really am a bit of a mess right now. Job hunting blows, and the isolation of not working or making new friends has made me an emotional disaster. I have made a safety net for myself. I don't reach out to all of my friends like I should. I feel like a little child sometimes, I have a speak when spoken to mentality. I guess in a way I let thinks hurt more than they should. I mean I'm creeping on 34 and I really did think my life would be a bit different then it is right now. Please don't take this as a cry for pity or attention. That is not what I am about. I am a firm believer that only I can change the way I feel. If I want to feel better then I need to shake off my own self pity. Damn I really need a tattoo, that always makes me feel soooo much better.
The other reason, the main reason for this particular post is that while I may be vocal about my personal struggle with infertility others are not. I feel other couples, women mostly, might feel it's taboo to talk about. I know others that have struggled quietly with this. It is a very isolating feeling. How do you go up to a friend (especially if they have children) and say "I'm infertile" or how do you deflect those questions from friends and family "When are you going to start a family?" or "The holidays would be so much better if you had kids." You feel very awkward and defeated. You don't want to be rude and make the other person feel bad by blurting out "Yea, my uterus doesn't work so no kids for us! Lol!" It's frustration and annoying, even more so when someone doesn't take that hint that you don't want to discuss it.
I also think that other infertile women can tell it someone else it going through it. I know because it's happened twice. Those two have gone on to have successful IVF and are now blessed with beautiful children. If you feel like you can share your story with just one person that is not your spouse, do it. It's good for your soul. Never feel like you are alone you would be surprised as to how many couples are in your same position. Don't let it control your life, I have and it is a very hard thing to shake off, push to the back of your mind just so you can enjoy life. I actually write this with one person in mind and I hope they read it.
***I forgot to mention another couple that we had the pleasure of meeting. Although they finally conceived naturally they did not have an easy pregnancy but they have a beautiful boy and I am thankful to have become friends with them****
The last time I wrote a blog I was talking about growing up on the Jersey Shore and no matter where in the world life may take me Jersey will always be home. They have already started rebuilding. On 12-12-12 Chase hosted a benefit concert for Sandy victims and it was amazing to watch. This was one of my favorite performances:
I have been back in forth in my mind about this next topic: Sandy Hook Elementary. Two days after this concert a shooting happened at this school that left 20 first graders and 6 school officials dead. I just want to say that there is no easy answer to this. I will say that the medias coverage is sickening. Stop talking about the shooter and his home life. You are glorifying a monster and that makes you no better. You point the finger everywhere else but take no part of the blame for creating someone like this. You plaster his face everywhere and you think that does not light a fire in someone else? It makes me so mad that I cannot even continue to list all the reasons you stink.
Here is how SNL paid tribute to these families:
And The Voice:
I do not have any children but I have seen mothers bury sons from ages newborn to 32 and there is no accurate way to describe that grief. I will not pretend that I know how they might feel. I think though it would be described as having your soul crushed. Which brings me to let it be known my absolute disgust for the WBC who had planned to picket the funerals saying that it was Gods hand. Really?! You are morons:
Mark 10:13-16
New International Version (NIV)
13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them.14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.
Moving on.. So today is the end of the world, according to the Mayans. I saw this from Malissa and needed to share
I'm not sure how this blog is really going to turn out. I've been back and forth about posting anything about the damage from Hurricane Sandy.
Let me first just start off by telling you that no matter where I go in my life New Jersey will always have my heart, my love and my soul. So being 2800 miles away from my friends and family has stirred emotions that I feel that I shouldn't have. I wasn't there when the devastation hit so why do I feel like my heart was ripped from my chest? At moments I feel that I do not have the right to feel that way. But logic wins. I do. I have been watching tons of media images and videos showing what is left of a place that created so many memories.
I have been going to Seaside Heights and Lavallette for as long as I can remember. No matter where you live in New Jersey you visit the Jersey Shore. I remember spending weekends at my grandparents in Toms River and at night we would go over the bridge to Seaside. I remember that excitement as you go over the bridge and you see all the pretty lights, lights that just invited you, welcomed you. They seemed to shout "Magic." I recalled my mother sharing her memories of when she was a child going to Seaside with her family. I remember her saying that the bridge was made out of wood! It scared her to go over that rickety bridge so she would close her eyes. I personally enjoyed when we got stuck on the bridge because it was raised. It was so cool to see it go up and down and watched the boats pass through. We would go to Lucky Leo's and play skee ball. Stop by Mid-Way for their ever so yummy sandwiches, play mini-golf, ride the rides and eat cotton candy. I recall having a stock pile of coins and tickets at home because my mom really wanted to trade them in for a Corning Ware dish. I thing she even got turkey salt and pepper shakers too. She still puts them out every Thanksgiving. I bet some of my cousins didn't know that. Sometimes my cousin Missy would take me and my brother there during the week just to switch up our routine.
If it wasn't going to my grandparents it would be the Spricigos beach house on San Fernando Dr in Lavallette. It was right across from the Monterey Mini Golf. We loved that mini golf. I think one of the reasons was that big water tower there. I remember us throwing stones just the hear the sound. Spend a day at the beach and sometimes head over to Point Pleasant boardwalk.
Of course as you grow up you do those things less and less. You start your own memories with your friends. For North/Central Jersey prom weekend was spent in Seaside. And of course my friends and joined the norm. I think about it now and laugh, we did some silly things that weekend. It was cold and rainy too. And then after high school, if we weren't going to NYC we were going to Seaside or Asbury Park. More crazy times and memories to go along with them. Asbury Park is where I meet my husband. The club we met at has long since been gone. It's a parking lot now. When our relationship started getting serious and we moved in together, we moved to Seaside Park, on 14th Ave. We lived there from September of 2002 to May of 2003. When it rained the road on the Bayside (Bayview) always flooded. We got a pretty decent amount of snow that winter too. So much snow that our friends Jay and Megan who only lived 7 blocks away got snowed in with us! The next morning we all bundled up and went exploring, we walked to the beach and the snow drifts had covered fence posts. It was a memorable time. After that we moved back across the bridge. I tried really hard to stay on the beach but we could find a rental that was big enough.
My apologies I did not intend that trip down memory lane to get as detailed and long as it did. Suffice to say I have made memories there. I am not the only one and know this not every house is just a summer rental. People planted roots there, saved up to live quietly my sea. Mother Nature is an amazing and fickle creature. For all the beauty she provides she also has to power to take it back. That is what happened with Hurricane Sandy. For whatever reason Mother Nature gave the sea to power take it all back. Now all of us that grew going to all the different shore towns, that brought life to those sandy beaches are left with memories of what was. It will never be the same. Our children will not know the Shore as we did. They will grow up and make their own memories of the new Jersey Shore.
The past week has just been filled with these jaw dropping images of not only New Jersey but New York City, Queens and Staten Island. They were all hit hard by the storm. Living on the Northeastern coast I believe we think that hurricanes can't hit us like this. As much as people prepared the areas in general weren't. It was a conversation with my cousin Missy that enlightened me. She and her family now live in Florida. The state itself is ready, electrical boxes are kept underground and poles are made out of stone. In Jersey there are above ground and made out of wood. Scary points for us were not being able to get in touch with family and some friends. All we could see is that it's gone.
It took two before was able to speak with my family. They live in Union county, and still today they are without power. I realized when speaking to my parents they didn't know how bad it really was. With no power, all the stores closed so no newspaper. It was so hard to tell them that so much was gone and that it would never be the same. Even my friend Malissa who lives in Point Pleasant and her mom whose house in on the beach in Manasquan, were in the dark. They could only see the destruction in front of them. They own a restaurant and for the last three or more days they started their own soup kitchen so to speak. Making hot meals for residents of Manasquan and relief workers. They also collected donations for their area. My heart breaks everyday and I wish I could have been there, be there. If you ever went to NJ please donate. Yes, Jerseyans can be gruff but we actually have hearts of gold. For all the jokes that are made about our little state, we take because we are made of stronger stuff. Here a few places that you can go to help the East Coast: If you are on the West Coast go to SendingSunshine.org. Also on Facebook you can go to Restore the Shore and buy their shirts and such. And of course you have the RedCross.org. Don't forget our furry friends aspca.org.
I had started to write a blog the other day talking about our upcoming move and things we were saying goodbye to this time last year. I deleted that because I just need to vent. I don't think I have clearly explained how much the universe and my body just HATE me. I'll sum it up for you with a quickness.
When driving out to California my head was full of all these wonderful dreams about new beginnings, about how California would be where we raise our kids. If you're a dude and you're reading this, stop here because I am going to talk about female things. So of course I'm driving and full of hope and BAM I get my period. I cannot explain how horrendous it is. The pain alone would make one cry. Imagine driving in a truck in the middle of country and there is nothing I can do but suck it up. Dream crushed. But ok move forward. Take that pain, which by the way feels like my insides are being ripped out and they are using a blow torch to do it.
So I will continue on with my sad little tale. I have no doubt that if someone is announcing they are expecting, I will get my period. I do not exaggerate. It is like the whole world has planned this elaborate joke at my expense.
So today and tomorrow we are moving to Long Beach, how exciting. Wait no here comes my period three days early. Am I crying, no. I am so far beyond that point. Fuming mad, livid. Unfucking believable.
No this is not a pity party, this is a LONG overdue rant. I will also include the worst piece of advice I got from a friend: "Why would you kids anyway? When I find out people are pregnant I just laugh because now they can't do anything." Yes that really happened when the one and only time I called her crying but I needed a shoulder. That was the last time I spoke to her. Fuck her and fuck my body for being a douche.
I didn't think I would writing a new blog so soon! The truth is I have been feeling homesick and quite miserable this week. Going back East was all I could think about, I was so lonely and lost. I was slowly letting it consume me. I was missing so many people and things. I was looking everyday to see if could find a cheap flight to go and visit. But with the impending move (hopefully) it just wasn't in the cards. Hopefully after the new year we can visit. Maybe we'll make a trip up to Northern California instead. We shall see. I reached out to someone who could relate. I asked her how she did it. Even though her move was only about two hours from where she grew up, I knew she felt homesick at times too. She cheered me up, as such is her nature, in her own unique way. She also told me to remember all the reasons I left. Such simple words but they meant so much. Thank you Danielle!
I love my family and friends so much so it can be very hard at times to be so far away from people that were/are such and important part of your life. I think did we make the right choice? Was it in vain? Did it happen just a little too fast? I would answer yes and no to all of those questions. Life is what you make it and the roads you choose are what makes life so interesting. I don't regret the move and I never will. I followed my heart. I won't live my life looking back at that moment thinking we should have stayed. Maybe one day the road will lead back to New Jersey or somewhere else on the East Coast. I took a risk and I am grateful that I even had the opportunity to do it.
Now it's been well over a year since we made that choice, since we started that travel blog and started giving away parts of our life in the home we had made. I can't believe how fast it's going by. Although I am not closer at this point to being a mom. I have had the time to search deep inside and think about so many different things. I have felt bruised and broken always asking "Why?" I have also felt complete and at peace. I'm happy and the best things are yet to be.
This is shorter than I intended it to be, however, I'll save the rest for another blog. Sooner rather than later.
First off I just want to state how much I hate that I use the word "journey" so much. Yes indeed this is a journey however, that word makes it sound like I am in some magical world and everything is all unicorns and seahorses. It's not it freaking sucks so much sometimes, well most times. On a side note unicorns and seahorses do rule.
OK, moving on. I just spent a week in sunny Florida with my family for my aunt and uncles 50th wedding anniversary. It was also her husbands parents 50th as well so a big party was planned. It was a crazy and fun week. I stayed with my cousin Missy and her family. I was so excited to be there! I haven't visited the Sunshine State in about ten years and it was great to be back. I would visit them almost every year. Missy and her husband Allen have six kids between them. The youngest is Sarah and she's 3 the oldest is Brian and he's 23. Needless to say it was crazy.
So many things went through my head that week. One of which was "How do they do it?!" I left LAX at 11:20 pm and arrived in West Palm Saturday at noon. I was exhausted and wired at the same time. Missy and RP picked me up with the 3 youngest. It was a bit of a culture shock for me. I just left my tiny very quiet apartment and was now about to be immersed in house full of people. Among other adventures that week brought it also included 2 songs being sung over and over and over again. Here is one:
And this is the second:
I feel it is only fair that all of you should be able to enjoy it as well. I really wish I had recorded Sarah singing the last one. She puts some soul into it I guess you would say. Love her. I now share a story that happened a few minutes before I arrived. The 3 younger ones wanted slushies so AJ (he will be 5 in November) accidentally broke the handle and slushie continued to rain down. Missy is freaking out and is just filling up cup after cup. RP walks away and finally 2 pilots came and helped stop the rain of slushie. Best story ever.
I was a little sad that Megan wasn't with them. I was thinking that she was going to run and give me a hug. I don't know what I was thinking. My little Muffin isn't so little anymore. She's 13 and is almost as tall as me. She's a soccer freak and so in love with One Direction. When I say that she is in love with them I am putting it mildly. We did have fun together being goofballs. I saw her play soccer and went school shopping with her. That was interesting. I would pick out folders and such that I thought she would like and they were all met with a no. She preferred plain solid colors to anything that had a little funk to them!
We also had to sharpen 48 pencils for Emily for first grade. 48! I remember when all you needed were 2 #2's. She also needed paper, paper towels, tissues, disinfecting wipes, six packs of crayons, the list goes on. I don't remember needing half that stuff. Emily has a big heart and smart for her age. She has a great imagination too. We would go everyday to the neighbor across the street to let their dog out and suck. Fancy is the smallest chihuahua I have encounter yet. I think maybe she weighed 5 pounds. She was sweet too and most little dogs like that are very nice. At least the ones I have encountered. Emily would feed her, check her water and play with her everyday. There is way more that goes with the Fancy story but I will leave that alone.
I spent most of the time swimming with the kids and my parents. AJ was calling me Alex for the first 3 days. He eventually got it right. They are great kids and make me laugh with all their questions and thoughts on the way things work. I also fell in love with whiskey sours. My Dad makes the best ones. I've made them since I've been home and they just don't taste the same. I can't believe no one ever told me about this awesomeness before!
It was relaxing and crazy at the same time. I think by day four I had decided that I didn't want kids. There was always something up and I was thinking I don't think I'm cut out for this! It was sort of a relief. I felt like I had been holding my breath for three and a half years. I had made up my mind. I was over this whole being a parent thing. I was just going to move on. I was so over it, all of it.
So moving on, the night before the party Emily and I were watching TV and we saw this huge bug flying all over the place and realized it was a grasshopper. I was thinking hell no am I going to be the one that catches this thing. Everyone else except for Megan was asleep. So I figured Megan can do this and when I asked her she had all the confidence that she could. So wrong. So, so wrong. It touched her hand and she FREAKED out and screamed and ran away. I put on my big girl pants and caught it with a cup and a piece of paper and set it free outside. I was quite proud of myself and the girls were impressed as well. Oh and Missy and Allen heard what was happening and sat in their room laughing. Gotta love my family :-)
The party was great. I love spending time with my family. The day of the party Allison and Wendy (Brian's girlfriend) and myself had to go and pick up two cakes and two trays of cookies for the club. Wendy got off lucky with the smaller lemon cake. I on the other hand had to hold this full on chocolate half sheet cake on my lap. A half a sheet cake feeds about 50 people it that helps. It was heavy and we had to keep the car ice cold. That wasn't that bad at first but by the time we were halfway back to the house all three of us were freezing. That cake was so heavy I couldn't even get out of the truck. Never a dull moment, love it!
My parents and I were leaving the day after the party very early in the morning. So the end of the night was a little bittersweet. I love being in California but it is hard being so far from my family. I missed them all and I hadn't even left yet. Needless to say my flight was postponed until Monday morning so I had an extra day. Having the extra day was great but I had already said all my goodbyes and now I had to do it twice. I love them all so much and can't wait to see them again.
Wait, did you actually believe I didn't want to have a kids anymore?! Fat chance! The moment I was on that plane I knew I could never ever give up. I missed them and all that craziness. Being there actually made it all real. I want to be a mom and everything that comes with it!
So it's been awhile. I kept meaning to write but every time i sat down, I just couldn't get the works out. I didn't know where I wanted to go with this post and this blog. I had actually thought about not writing it anymore. I mean you get the point we're infertile and sucks. Boo fricking hoo. So whether or not people read this, I do it for me and if people do read it and can relate well that's a bonus.
It's very natural for a woman struggling with infertility to cry or be upset when someone announces their pregnancy. I know I do. It doesn't matter how much I love that couple or how genuinely happy I am for them, it hurts every time. Yesterday was different. Someone announced they were expecting and I didn't cry or get mad. I laughed. I was so surprised and elated and a smile just didn't fit that moment so I laughed. I kept thinking I should be crying or yelling but I couldn't help but feel so happy. I don't know why. I've known her since I was 4 or 5. We haven't seen each other in years but she has reached out to me just to let me know she was there and so was her mom. Now I'm crying, go figure. We grew up together and grew apart in high school. And I can remember how hurt I was thinking that she changed and I had stayed the same. The truth was we both did. I look back at our "break-up" and everything she said was right. I changed first, I drifted away first. I can't believe it took me so long to see it. It's funny how open your mind becomes when you stop at look at yourself. So thank you my friend for having that big heart of yours. My mom says congratulations by the way and she probably already told Nanny, lol.
Wow this was not the direction I saw this going when I sat down. It needed to be said. I wanted to do this whole thing on things not to say to infertile couples. But I can save that for another times.
I waited to write this blog because I wanted to find out about our insurance plan. We received the packet that gives a basic outline of the coverage. I looked through it and it stated that infertility treatments may or may not be covered and if they are covered it would only be partial. It was like a punch in the gut. At the same time I was not surprised. So today I call the insurance company and found out for sure. They will pay to diagnose. They do not pay for infertility treatments.
I knew that when we moved out here to start a better life, to follow our hearts, that I would be taking a huge risk changing insurance plans. I left behind one that would pay for everything to one that leaves me speechless. Did I make the wrong choice? Everything pointed to here. I don't even know how to feel right now. So I guess we'll have the testing done again. Maybe a second opinion will help. But then again there isn't not much we would be able to afford if we did get a diagnosis. It's just one day at a time at this point.
That's all I really have to say. Sorry it's so short. I just wanted to update the blog.I know it should be longer. I should being expressing my anger, frustrations, sadness, etc. I just don't have it in me. I had prepared myself for this moment. It has now come and gone and I just have to surrender myself to life as it is. I have to have faith from this point on that everything I have done was for nothing.
I really want to take a step back from this up and down roller coaster of emotions and focus on the one thing that endures...love. Today is our five year wedding anniversary but we've been together much longer than that. So let's go back, to 1997. I know as some of you read this you might think that it's really mushy and a bit of overkill to be so in love. I don't care, I am happy and honest enough to admit how I feel and not feel ashamed to express it. Love is a very powerful emotion. I believe it is stronger then hate. Nanny use to say, "You can never hate someone, because you have to have loved them first." And "Don't say you hate, say you dislike intensely." A very wise woman and 30 years later I still remember them. She's taught me a lot and I am forever thankful.
So back to the story. This sounds cliche but it is true, From the first moment I saw Lenny I was immediately pulled to him. Yes, we were still in our teens and yes he was dating my friend. That does not mean we couldn't be friends. So friends we were. I just remember seeing him for the first time and thinking that I have to meet him. He was with a group of his friends so I pointed out the whole group and then I heard "That's my boyfriend Lenny." I remember being a little embarrassed, of course this would be my luck. Amanda and Lenny broke up a few months after that but, still remand friends. I wold see I'm every weekend starting on Friday in Asbury Park and then Saturday night at whatever party was going on. We had fun. As time moved forward we became closer friends. We shared happiness and heartbreak. He stayed single for a while and I started dating. I remember when I introduced Lenny to my boyfriend, Lenny was not a fan and no one my other friends were either. The boyfriend was not a fan on my friendship with Lenny at all. He thought Lenny and I were having a secret relationship. That was crazy talk, I did not drive and Lenny lived an hour away and I spent almost everyday with the boyfriend. He broke up with me a few days before Christmas. His reasons were absurd, I was in love with Lenny (not at the time, we really were friends) and that I was too expensive to date (I paid for everything). The reason I believe is that he was cheating on me with his ex. I think the best line he said was "Hey maybe if we run into each other again and we're single we can get back together." Umm, no.
So after that disaster I just spent more time with my girls and with Lenny. I was in denial with my feelings for him. All my relationships went for bad to worse and I was not thinking about starting a new one at that time. But as you know how I want my life to go and how it actually goes are very different things. I came home from a weekend of partying and was talking to my friend Colleen (yes we have the same name) I was telling her about it and what Lenny and I did and how much fun we had. She told me I was in love with him. I laughed at her and insisted we were just friends. After I got off the phone with her it hit and I knew it was all over. We started to spend even more time with each other. We would to parties without our friends and of course everyone could see what was happening. So in June of 1999 we became a couple. We've been together ever since.
We moved in together in August of 2002 in Seaside Park and then moved to Lakewood followed by our first apartment without room mates in Toms River. After that we bought our house in South Toms River and now here we are in La Habra, California. Each of those places has their own unique stories and memories. They shaped us to who we are today. We continue to grow as individuals and as a couple.
On September 9,2006 we went camping to Lake George, NY. It was the first time Lenny ever went camping. It was a very long drive and Lenny seems very anxious. We left at 10pm to drive up there to meet our other friends. We got lost and finally made it to the campsite at 3am. I was very tired and went right to sleep. Lenny stayed up with a few of our friends. Maybe a half hour later he wakes me up. Tells me I have to go see the lake...really?! It's 3am I am not going to see squat. But he insisted and that's when I knew my life was going to change. I knew he was going to ask me to marry him. You would think I would be happy but at that moment my first thought was that this a$$hole is waking me up, I feel dirty, I had no make up on and he wants to propose. I caved and went along with him. He takes me into the woods it's pitch black and he starts running. I felt like I was in a horror movie. We finally get to this clearing with a table with a radio on it and he sits me down. He says how much he loves me and that he made this song me. He presses play and our favorite Rise Against song plays and at the end he asks to marry me. Of course I said yes otherwise the title of this blog would be silly. It was not how I pictured it to be but, it was an evening I won't forget.
Eight months later on May 19, 2007 I married my best friend and I am so blessed. It all started with our love for music. Out of all our aspects of our wedding that we could be anal about it was the music we focused on. Since then we've shared our love for movies and art and everything in between. Every day is a gift. Everyday is an experience and whether we both live to see 100 or die tomorrow I will love him forever even after my heart stops beating. So happy anniversary to my best friend and thank you for each and everyday.
I love my dog. He is a pooch with a thousand different ever changing names. Stinkbutt, boy, snugglebug, little man, monkey and monster man just to name a few. He's our boy and despite that fact that he can be an a$hole sometimes he has made us very happy.
When Lenny and I moved in to our first apartment without roommates we knew we wanted a dog. Well at least I did, he wasn't quite so ready. I would spend hours searching for pooches on pet finder. Sometimes Danielle would help and we would sit there together and make all those girl noises you hear when something is just too cute for words. We were in our apartment for two months when we brought him home. I think I like Sams story better then our proposal story.
It was a warm Sunday in October (10/16/05 to be exact) when Brandon and Danielle asked if we wanted to go to Target with them. Sure, why not? The Target in Toms River has a Petco next to it and it just so happened to be adoption Sunday. We did our shopping and Danielle and I told the boys we were going to look. Danielle and Brandon already had Charlie. Lenny made me promise we would not bring home a dog, he still wasn't ready. I promised. So Danielle and I wandered over and were looking at all the pups. We noticed two that were walking together. One was a puppy still black and white, lab-pit mix. And the other was a year old Jack Russell mix named Snoopy. I wanted the puppy. Lenny comes by and the before I can point to the want I liked Snoopy made a bee line for Lenny and it was all over from there. It was Lenny who changed his mind and wanted Snoopy. So we discussed it and applied for him. We were under the impression that we had to wait for our application to be approved so we left. We were a block away when they called us and told us we could bring him home right now! We turned back and brought our boy home.
The car ride home was filled is suggestions for a new name. He didn't look like a Snoopy. Samson was his new name. I know there were so many names we tossed around on the ride home but I don't really remember them. I know Samson is the one we picked. It was until a few weeks later that I learned why his name was Snoopy to begin with...he is so nosey! He tries to get into everything! The first thing we did when we brought him home was introduced him to Charlie. Sam saw Charlie and wanted to let Charlie know we belonged to him so he peed on me lol! A few months later he fell in love with Danielle and peed on her too!
Charlie and Sam became best friends. They enjoyed going for walks in the woods and wrestling and getting muddy together. Once in a while they would even snuggle a little together. However much fun running in the woods behind Silver Ridge was it had it's fair share of bad times. Both of them have been to the vet to have cuts on their pads cleaned and bandaged at least once. Even with Frontline sometimes you have to pull a tick or two off.
The following year we took Sam camping in Lake George, it was the first camping trip for both of them, It was the same camping trip where Lenny proposed. It was cold though! Sam is not a fan of being cold. All he wanted to do was snuggle and he was not picky about who it was. As much as a pain in the butt that he can be sometimes, he is still the sweetest boy and you can't help but to love him. A few years later we moved into our first house. I was so happy that he hard a yard that he could run in without a leash. He did have a learning curve though. The first our second night he was running around and was so excited he forgot about the sliding door and ran into, twice. It is funny now but the God awful sound of his head hitting that door made my heart drop. He was always exploring the yard. Wanted to be friends with the cat that hung around outside. The cat didn't feel the same way and swipe Sam right across the nose. The amount of blood that poured off his face...another scary moment. He also got sprayed but a skunk...twice. Within a few days of each other. He didn't learn and we had to watch him when he was outside at night for a few weeks before the skunk just stopped coming around. Skunk spray stinks like I can't even begin to explain. You have to move fast...really, really fast to get that smell off. baking soda and peroxide was what I found on the interweb for cleaning. But when I mixed it together I felt hot so I just went with the baking soda I think. Even after he was clean there was a little fragrance of skunk on his nose that you could smell if you got close enough.
From the moment he jumped on Lenny in that parking lot our lives have never been the same and in a good way. He has filled our lives with unconditional love. It doesn't matter what trouble he gets into, you can never stay mad at him. All he wants is to love you and be with you. He's goofy and happy and lazy and cuddly. Even at the worst moments in our life he is there, content to just sit with you. He was there for me to cry on when my aunt passed away. He was there a few years later when my parents put Shadow down. And recently when Vinnie passed away. He's been there through every negative test I have ever taken. He is our best friend and our boy. And he saves us. At our darkest moments he is there.
