The past few months have been a little crazy for us. We had been looking for sometime for a 2 bedroom apartment. We wanted to move out of downtown, some place a little quieter. After what seems like forever, we found a place and fell in love. It was close to all our friends and it had it's own washer and dryer! We were sold. So a few days after we saw the apartment, we went back to sign the lease. We were so excited. I was so excited. I wanted nothing more then to get out of downtown and fast, it was getting creepier by the day. We do the walk through and talk about this and that. I didn't realize I had missed a call from my parents until I went to get a pen from my bag. I saw the missed call and the voicemail and knew that I had to listen to it at that moment. Something told me it couldn't wait. I left Lenny with the landlord and walked into the empty room that would be our bedroom in less then a week and pulled up the voicemail. It was my dad and the message was short "Colleen, it's Dad. Call me back. Tonight." Seven words and they made my heart sink. I hesitated a moment before calling back. Did I want whatever bad news was waiting for me now or later? I called him back. I was standing in our new apartment, in our new bedroom when I found out my grandfather had a heart attacked and passed away. It seemed like an eternity while I listened to him tell me what happened, listened to him tell me how my brother tried to save him. I remember trying so hard not cry there, not to cry while on the phone with my dad. I wanted so very much to be strong. Long story short, I was and still am devastated. It's been a month and yet it feels like yesterday and forever ago at the same time.
All the thoughts you think when you lose someone who was such a pillar in your life. I wish I could see him one last time, spoke to him one last time, tell him how thankful I was for so much. I loved him so very much, cared so deeply for him. Is he proud of all the choices I made to make my life better? And I know the answer to all those things without a doubt or second thought is, yes.
Once my Mom went back to work full time to help my Dad support us, my grandparents were there. When I was ever so sick so often when I was little they took care of me. My love for animals I get from them. Once our dog Shadow thought a baby squirrel was a rag doll and I caught her tossing the poor thing about by it's tail. It was grandfather who took it to the vet and nursed it back to health. Animals loved him. When I was little he had this African Grey parrot who hated everyone. He would bit everyone if you got close enough, but he loved my grandfather. The things I have learned from him cannot be measured. He was a great man and he gave his family a great life. He was a staple in our church. His was a life well lived and as Nanny would say, he is well away.
Two weeks prior my aunts had flown in for his 92nd birthday. And then we were all there again for him. I know that made him happy to have everyone there sharing in this life and this love he created with Nanny. He was a Merchant Marine who served during World War II. Never forgot to thank our Veterans, old and young. It was touching when they presented the Flag to Nanny.
I am thankful for all of my cousins, even the ones that aren't McGoverns or even related by blood you all made this difficult time a little more bearable. Whether you sent flowers, made me laugh or just plain let me sob on your shoulder, Thank you, it means more then I ever could properly express. And for the friends that reached out, thank you. And thank you to the dearest ones that took time out of their very busy day to drive an hour in Friday traffic just to be there, you know who you are.
I could never forget my husband who took on the very large task of packing and moving all our stuff into the new place. You are awesome.
I'm not sure what purpose this writing is to serve but I do know that I needed to do it.
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