The last time I wrote a blog I was talking about growing up on the Jersey Shore and no matter where in the world life may take me Jersey will always be home. They have already started rebuilding. On 12-12-12 Chase hosted a benefit concert for Sandy victims and it was amazing to watch. This was one of my favorite performances:
I have been back in forth in my mind about this next topic: Sandy Hook Elementary. Two days after this concert a shooting happened at this school that left 20 first graders and 6 school officials dead. I just want to say that there is no easy answer to this. I will say that the medias coverage is sickening. Stop talking about the shooter and his home life. You are glorifying a monster and that makes you no better. You point the finger everywhere else but take no part of the blame for creating someone like this. You plaster his face everywhere and you think that does not light a fire in someone else? It makes me so mad that I cannot even continue to list all the reasons you stink.
Here is how SNL paid tribute to these families:
And The Voice:
I do not have any children but I have seen mothers bury sons from ages newborn to 32 and there is no accurate way to describe that grief. I will not pretend that I know how they might feel. I think though it would be described as having your soul crushed. Which brings me to let it be known my absolute disgust for the WBC who had planned to picket the funerals saying that it was Gods hand. Really?! You are morons:
Mark 10:13-16
New International Version (NIV)
13 People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them.14 When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.15 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”16 And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them.
Moving on.. So today is the end of the world, according to the Mayans. I saw this from Malissa and needed to share
I'm not sure how this blog is really going to turn out. I've been back and forth about posting anything about the damage from Hurricane Sandy.
Let me first just start off by telling you that no matter where I go in my life New Jersey will always have my heart, my love and my soul. So being 2800 miles away from my friends and family has stirred emotions that I feel that I shouldn't have. I wasn't there when the devastation hit so why do I feel like my heart was ripped from my chest? At moments I feel that I do not have the right to feel that way. But logic wins. I do. I have been watching tons of media images and videos showing what is left of a place that created so many memories.
I have been going to Seaside Heights and Lavallette for as long as I can remember. No matter where you live in New Jersey you visit the Jersey Shore. I remember spending weekends at my grandparents in Toms River and at night we would go over the bridge to Seaside. I remember that excitement as you go over the bridge and you see all the pretty lights, lights that just invited you, welcomed you. They seemed to shout "Magic." I recalled my mother sharing her memories of when she was a child going to Seaside with her family. I remember her saying that the bridge was made out of wood! It scared her to go over that rickety bridge so she would close her eyes. I personally enjoyed when we got stuck on the bridge because it was raised. It was so cool to see it go up and down and watched the boats pass through. We would go to Lucky Leo's and play skee ball. Stop by Mid-Way for their ever so yummy sandwiches, play mini-golf, ride the rides and eat cotton candy. I recall having a stock pile of coins and tickets at home because my mom really wanted to trade them in for a Corning Ware dish. I thing she even got turkey salt and pepper shakers too. She still puts them out every Thanksgiving. I bet some of my cousins didn't know that. Sometimes my cousin Missy would take me and my brother there during the week just to switch up our routine.
If it wasn't going to my grandparents it would be the Spricigos beach house on San Fernando Dr in Lavallette. It was right across from the Monterey Mini Golf. We loved that mini golf. I think one of the reasons was that big water tower there. I remember us throwing stones just the hear the sound. Spend a day at the beach and sometimes head over to Point Pleasant boardwalk.
Of course as you grow up you do those things less and less. You start your own memories with your friends. For North/Central Jersey prom weekend was spent in Seaside. And of course my friends and joined the norm. I think about it now and laugh, we did some silly things that weekend. It was cold and rainy too. And then after high school, if we weren't going to NYC we were going to Seaside or Asbury Park. More crazy times and memories to go along with them. Asbury Park is where I meet my husband. The club we met at has long since been gone. It's a parking lot now. When our relationship started getting serious and we moved in together, we moved to Seaside Park, on 14th Ave. We lived there from September of 2002 to May of 2003. When it rained the road on the Bayside (Bayview) always flooded. We got a pretty decent amount of snow that winter too. So much snow that our friends Jay and Megan who only lived 7 blocks away got snowed in with us! The next morning we all bundled up and went exploring, we walked to the beach and the snow drifts had covered fence posts. It was a memorable time. After that we moved back across the bridge. I tried really hard to stay on the beach but we could find a rental that was big enough.
My apologies I did not intend that trip down memory lane to get as detailed and long as it did. Suffice to say I have made memories there. I am not the only one and know this not every house is just a summer rental. People planted roots there, saved up to live quietly my sea. Mother Nature is an amazing and fickle creature. For all the beauty she provides she also has to power to take it back. That is what happened with Hurricane Sandy. For whatever reason Mother Nature gave the sea to power take it all back. Now all of us that grew going to all the different shore towns, that brought life to those sandy beaches are left with memories of what was. It will never be the same. Our children will not know the Shore as we did. They will grow up and make their own memories of the new Jersey Shore.
The past week has just been filled with these jaw dropping images of not only New Jersey but New York City, Queens and Staten Island. They were all hit hard by the storm. Living on the Northeastern coast I believe we think that hurricanes can't hit us like this. As much as people prepared the areas in general weren't. It was a conversation with my cousin Missy that enlightened me. She and her family now live in Florida. The state itself is ready, electrical boxes are kept underground and poles are made out of stone. In Jersey there are above ground and made out of wood. Scary points for us were not being able to get in touch with family and some friends. All we could see is that it's gone.
It took two before was able to speak with my family. They live in Union county, and still today they are without power. I realized when speaking to my parents they didn't know how bad it really was. With no power, all the stores closed so no newspaper. It was so hard to tell them that so much was gone and that it would never be the same. Even my friend Malissa who lives in Point Pleasant and her mom whose house in on the beach in Manasquan, were in the dark. They could only see the destruction in front of them. They own a restaurant and for the last three or more days they started their own soup kitchen so to speak. Making hot meals for residents of Manasquan and relief workers. They also collected donations for their area. My heart breaks everyday and I wish I could have been there, be there. If you ever went to NJ please donate. Yes, Jerseyans can be gruff but we actually have hearts of gold. For all the jokes that are made about our little state, we take because we are made of stronger stuff. Here a few places that you can go to help the East Coast: If you are on the West Coast go to SendingSunshine.org. Also on Facebook you can go to Restore the Shore and buy their shirts and such. And of course you have the RedCross.org. Don't forget our furry friends aspca.org.
I waited to write this blog because I wanted to find out about our insurance plan. We received the packet that gives a basic outline of the coverage. I looked through it and it stated that infertility treatments may or may not be covered and if they are covered it would only be partial. It was like a punch in the gut. At the same time I was not surprised. So today I call the insurance company and found out for sure. They will pay to diagnose. They do not pay for infertility treatments.
I knew that when we moved out here to start a better life, to follow our hearts, that I would be taking a huge risk changing insurance plans. I left behind one that would pay for everything to one that leaves me speechless. Did I make the wrong choice? Everything pointed to here. I don't even know how to feel right now. So I guess we'll have the testing done again. Maybe a second opinion will help. But then again there isn't not much we would be able to afford if we did get a diagnosis. It's just one day at a time at this point.
That's all I really have to say. Sorry it's so short. I just wanted to update the blog.I know it should be longer. I should being expressing my anger, frustrations, sadness, etc. I just don't have it in me. I had prepared myself for this moment. It has now come and gone and I just have to surrender myself to life as it is. I have to have faith from this point on that everything I have done was for nothing.
I really want to take a step back from this up and down roller coaster of emotions and focus on the one thing that endures...love. Today is our five year wedding anniversary but we've been together much longer than that. So let's go back, to 1997. I know as some of you read this you might think that it's really mushy and a bit of overkill to be so in love. I don't care, I am happy and honest enough to admit how I feel and not feel ashamed to express it. Love is a very powerful emotion. I believe it is stronger then hate. Nanny use to say, "You can never hate someone, because you have to have loved them first." And "Don't say you hate, say you dislike intensely." A very wise woman and 30 years later I still remember them. She's taught me a lot and I am forever thankful.
So back to the story. This sounds cliche but it is true, From the first moment I saw Lenny I was immediately pulled to him. Yes, we were still in our teens and yes he was dating my friend. That does not mean we couldn't be friends. So friends we were. I just remember seeing him for the first time and thinking that I have to meet him. He was with a group of his friends so I pointed out the whole group and then I heard "That's my boyfriend Lenny." I remember being a little embarrassed, of course this would be my luck. Amanda and Lenny broke up a few months after that but, still remand friends. I wold see I'm every weekend starting on Friday in Asbury Park and then Saturday night at whatever party was going on. We had fun. As time moved forward we became closer friends. We shared happiness and heartbreak. He stayed single for a while and I started dating. I remember when I introduced Lenny to my boyfriend, Lenny was not a fan and no one my other friends were either. The boyfriend was not a fan on my friendship with Lenny at all. He thought Lenny and I were having a secret relationship. That was crazy talk, I did not drive and Lenny lived an hour away and I spent almost everyday with the boyfriend. He broke up with me a few days before Christmas. His reasons were absurd, I was in love with Lenny (not at the time, we really were friends) and that I was too expensive to date (I paid for everything). The reason I believe is that he was cheating on me with his ex. I think the best line he said was "Hey maybe if we run into each other again and we're single we can get back together." Umm, no.
So after that disaster I just spent more time with my girls and with Lenny. I was in denial with my feelings for him. All my relationships went for bad to worse and I was not thinking about starting a new one at that time. But as you know how I want my life to go and how it actually goes are very different things. I came home from a weekend of partying and was talking to my friend Colleen (yes we have the same name) I was telling her about it and what Lenny and I did and how much fun we had. She told me I was in love with him. I laughed at her and insisted we were just friends. After I got off the phone with her it hit and I knew it was all over. We started to spend even more time with each other. We would to parties without our friends and of course everyone could see what was happening. So in June of 1999 we became a couple. We've been together ever since.
We moved in together in August of 2002 in Seaside Park and then moved to Lakewood followed by our first apartment without room mates in Toms River. After that we bought our house in South Toms River and now here we are in La Habra, California. Each of those places has their own unique stories and memories. They shaped us to who we are today. We continue to grow as individuals and as a couple.
On September 9,2006 we went camping to Lake George, NY. It was the first time Lenny ever went camping. It was a very long drive and Lenny seems very anxious. We left at 10pm to drive up there to meet our other friends. We got lost and finally made it to the campsite at 3am. I was very tired and went right to sleep. Lenny stayed up with a few of our friends. Maybe a half hour later he wakes me up. Tells me I have to go see the lake...really?! It's 3am I am not going to see squat. But he insisted and that's when I knew my life was going to change. I knew he was going to ask me to marry him. You would think I would be happy but at that moment my first thought was that this a$$hole is waking me up, I feel dirty, I had no make up on and he wants to propose. I caved and went along with him. He takes me into the woods it's pitch black and he starts running. I felt like I was in a horror movie. We finally get to this clearing with a table with a radio on it and he sits me down. He says how much he loves me and that he made this song me. He presses play and our favorite Rise Against song plays and at the end he asks to marry me. Of course I said yes otherwise the title of this blog would be silly. It was not how I pictured it to be but, it was an evening I won't forget.
Eight months later on May 19, 2007 I married my best friend and I am so blessed. It all started with our love for music. Out of all our aspects of our wedding that we could be anal about it was the music we focused on. Since then we've shared our love for movies and art and everything in between. Every day is a gift. Everyday is an experience and whether we both live to see 100 or die tomorrow I will love him forever even after my heart stops beating. So happy anniversary to my best friend and thank you for each and everyday.
